Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

I'll pitch in here as it might provide some help/advice to someone.

About seven months ago, my 25 year old sister took her own life. My father found her peacefully "asleep" in her bed, it was clear that she had simply taken something and slipped away in her sleep.

It's a very long story, and I'm still not sure I know all the facts as I moved out of home several years ago. But I know she'd been struggling in some way for a long time for various reasons, some of which I think she's taken to her grave. But the last straw seems to have been a bad run of Uni exams that basically (in her mind) was a complete show stopper after SIX years of Uni.

She'd had many low moments, but always managed to pick herself back up, only to be kicked in the guts yet again. As a family, we offered her as much support as we could when things turned ugly, but she was very stubborn and you had to be very careful as you risked your own life if you persisted to get "in her face".

I was on a deployment when I received a call from my mother saying her Uni results arrived and it wasn't good... Alarm bells immediately went off in my head as I knew this was a path back down the slippery slope. I ordered mum to give her space and she will come out of her shell ONLY when she's ready (refer to previous paragraph regarding your own safety!!!)

The best way I could support her was to simply let her know I was thinking of her and always available for a chat (unfortunately I lived interstate for the last fours years). Sometimes she'd take me up on the offer, other times she simply acknowledged it and went and hid in her room for days.

Less than a week later, I had just walked in the door from grocery shopping when I answered the call that changed my entire existence and will haunt me for the rest of my life. Within two hours I was on a flight heading home unfortunately having to overnight in Melbourne on the way as I had missed the last connecting flight by about thirty minutes.

Over the next few months I spent at home, the whole family discussed several times what they perceived to have happened and any signs they noticed. In hindsight, many of the signs they taught us to look for in high school were in fact there... But no body noticed them (or maybe didn't want to acknowledge). The most obvious one was that in the days leading up to it, she apparently appeared to be at peace with life. This is a DANGEROUS red flag, as it usually signals that they've made their decision, and they're very much at peace as they know it will all be over very soon (on their terms). She rang me (as it turns out, the night prior) and had a quick chat about nothing in particular. Had a bit of a laugh and just general banter as siblings do. Again, in hindsight, she was saying goodbye to me.

It turns out she had sorted many of her affairs and it became obvious that this wasn't a impulse decision... It was planned very carefully. I honestly believe that this was always her contingency if her Uni studies fell over. She was the most passionate person I'd ever met and I think in her mind, it was all or nothing.

The point of this story is that it's very important that you never ignore a red flag. It could be something so small and almost not worth talking about, but it may very well be a desperate cry for help. Everyone reacts differently, in my sister case, I don't believe pushing her was going to help, it woukdve only aggravated the situation. But for others, a bit of a push for help maybe what they need. You know your family and friends, you know how they react and you need to act accordingly, you may very well save their life.

If you've made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully it wasn't a waste of space on the form.

Thanks.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Im not one with great words.All I can say, so sorry for your lose & thank you for shearing this with us all. a very sad story.GOD BLESS.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Flightstrike,

I have only just joined the forum and stumbled on this thread- have only read the tail end of it, i.e. your post.

I am very sorry for your loss and thank-you for sharing. I know how you feel, I have just lost an close in-law this past week in a similar fashion and have been down a similar path myself in the past. The family and my wife are still overseas dealing with the situation and arrangements.

Contrary to yours, there seems to have been no real red flags. To my mind and from the info I have gleaned it was planned and seemingly emotionally hidden.

However I think I had a warning (yellow/orange) flag only a couple of days before, albeit second-hand. Some other signs over time had been making me start to pay attention based on my own personal experiences. Unfortunately events took a final turn before I could call and ask.

Thanks you for your words, they are valuable to me. Your last main paragraph is important but you must be careful to detect a genuine red flag and not an imaginary one, and therein lies the difficulty. It was a cumulation of little things over a few months that was going to make me enquire based on the last one, albeit enquire too late.

Most importantly, you can't blame yourself afterwards for someone else's behaviour.

The heavy lifting for myself, family and friends will begin through support for my wife and the relatives when they return from overseas.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Yeah I know, when I was in state care I had a severe bout of depression and I have only just getting over it, it started when I had my mentor taken off me and because I suffer from autism, I couldn't grip why they did it and so blamed myself for it, then buying a red EA falcon which I called Christine and having care workers calling it a piece of junk, ******, rust bucket and other derogatory names that just served to to inflame the issue, but out of everyone only 2 carers actually took time to look at it and complement it then I got a new mentor who is cool, but then my head space took another tumble when the falcon got serious mechanical issues and had to be sold to a wrecker but with plenty of time and support from my mentor and family I dragged myself out of the dark place I was in to where I am now, still touchy about the falcon but slowly getting better with it and I hope that this helps some one else who feels down and out to get a spark back

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

well I made 60 years old and I can say now life is wonderful yes I have had my low times divorce spinal injury long time pain problems but I am alive and have a wonderful wife

as I say life experiences some good some bad and you are a dead for a very long time so take what you have and make the most of it

Sadly I do know of of good friends who did not make it to 60 I think of them now and then wishing they were with me to celebrate that mile stone

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Book me a seat at your anxiety club also. This is my list in comparison to yours GTO132.
Mood swings. Doesn't take much to set me off.
Have become aggressive in my behaviour and I can change to aggressive from presumably calm very quickly.
Have little or no patience, most of the time.
Worry about my family leaving me. In fact I expect it. Even when I have a shower and things haven’t been particularly good between us, I exit the shower expecting to walk out to an empty house. I expect to get home from work and find they have all left. The irony here is that my behaviour is itself going to make this come true.
Tend to take things personally.
Worry that I won't be liked when I meet, or are introduced to, strangers. I feel when I talk to people, they are quietly hoping I will quickly move on or I think that I will say stupid things then they think that I ‘aren’t all there’.
Avoiding social gatherings (not totally but if I can easily get out of a social event I will).
Not getting quality sleep and always feeling tired.
Seem to never feel satisfied and the activities that most people enjoy (i.e like overseas holidays, seeing a concert of a favourite band) I wonder what the big deal is and don't get excited at all.
Never feel happy, ever.
Have a couple of work acquaintances and they are good people but never see them outside of work. Have absolutely no friends and although I mostly blame this on my anti-social job I secretly believe it’s because I’m a pain in the rear end.

Background – 53 year old, married once but she died of leukaemia in 1995. 2000 I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and suicidal. Overcame that very dark period. My only child and his best mate died in a car accident in 2002, aged 19. In 2010 started to see the beginning of all the above traits/emotions.
After reading all the posts here, it's very clear I need to seek help. Thank you to everyone for sharing. I don't feel so alone now.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

@ flightstrike: My sincere condolences. I hope she is finally at peace. (Her sense of peace, not anyone else's idea of peace.)

And I hope your family, her loved ones and friends in time realize that sadly, as easy as it is being the Monday Morning Quarterback (this could be an American saying about having hindsight) and as much as you all wanted to help her, ..... in the end it was her decision. I also hope you don't blame yourselves. She wouldn't want you to blame yourselves.

i've experienced this too.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

@ flightstrike. sorry for your loss mate. having been down this path, theres not alot you could do, like you mentioned, she'd made up her own mind on how to find peace.

my father rang me to discuss my brain fart at the start of this year. he said to me i could see the signs there was something not right etc which is about where i stopped in coz i could feel he was blaming himself, where i told him there is nothing he could have done. even if he had have asked i would have told him everything is perfectly fine i am good as gold and made a few jokes to lighten the mood (my psych pointed out when i am melting down i make light of things ie: joke and ridicule myself) - that was after 3 sessions with her.

bear with me because i'm just coming out of a week of being in a very dark place and i'm lucky to be writing this the feeling of hopelessness and nowhere to go is what pushes me to the point. even with all the support in the world it doesnt matter you make up your own mind and rationalise it as best as you can and it seems like the only way out is the end. i have my exact plan set out as well as most people who are suicidal do and would entirely make sure my **** is in order so that people are not left to pickup the pieces.

i keep myself occupied with my cars (have been extremely busy of late) to try and keep my **** it order. works for most of the time :)

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

So much sadness and confusion. What is it about our lives that even though we appear to have it all, we don't. Not at all. Is this an affliction of our modern day life, the way we see others on social media, how EVERYONE on there seems to have such a damn good life? Have we lost the connection society used to have?

And should everyone in this thread just meet up and actually talk?

That would be healing.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Don't ever make the mistake of comparing your lifestyle to anyones on social media. Only stuff that people WANT you to see /appear is on there. for every happy snap or flash car or house there is debt, arguments and the general crap that people keep behind closed doors. All people have quirks and personalities that don't "Fit The Norm"..... and who's to say what the norm is..? thats right..... theres no standard apart from the ones we impose on ourselves. It can takes years to teach your brain to say "hey this is who I am, this is what I do, and I'm good with that." Unfortunately a lot of people get lost/ harm themselves before they reach that point.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Hey benoxr, great post and good on you for getting it off your chest..........It has to help talking about it..............

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Just had a whinge to the missus about my train being late due to someone nearly passing out on board and getting somewhat in trouble for not rendering assistance to this person and what if she died and would the time you are late matter to this person's family.

I did think about it for like half a minute before stopping and thinking I genuinely did not care if this person did faint. They were being attended to by rail staff and other passengers on the platform so it's none of my business.

Would a lack of compassion constitute toward depression and anxiety. Cause I know I've said a number of times to the missus and others I only care about people I have direct contact and daily interaction with.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

good to hear people opening up about depression/aniexty, I'll explain my story.

So the last year i guess i havent been feeling too great, waking up thinking why did i wake up, wonder what **** today will bring, why do i bother trying and everything in between, it kept going on for a while on and off but i didnt think much about it. My wife suffered depression when she was younger and she picked up on it and all sat me down explained everything i was doing and told me to do some research, i shrugged it off as a male normally does, then i sat outside watering the lawn and thought bugger it i will do some reseach.

So after an hour of looking online and thinking wow i do have something wrong me i went and told my wife, she knew something was up but wanted me to see if i would pick up on it, she stepped in and told me when she thought nope he doesnt realise.

I have been talking to heaps of people who are in the same boat as me, it feels good to talk to people it helps out alot, im just taking it one day at a time, yeah i have bad days and good days, just recently i have was having more good days which was awesome i felt on top of the world for a change, smile ear to ear watching my son ride his new ktm i bought him. It was all looking up until Friday arvo, got a call to say one of good mates had committed suicide.

Well that threw a spanner in the works didnt it, i was back to square one again back to the thinking of negative crap, plus i have had massive issues with the In laws which hasnt helped at all, so now i am meant to be sleeping for work but i am not in the right state of mind to even think about operating a dump truck carrying 200t of dirt, work understand which is great i have a good network of friends i constantly talk to and aswell as people i barely now i have been talking too.

Sorry if it doesnt make sense, i am trying to hold back tears as i type this.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

A lack of compassion can be part of the depression cycle, but it is not necessarily a bad thing if you are only caring about yourself and immediate family. Whilst I was dealing with my depression and anxiety I'm sure people regarded me as uncaring and selfish, but sometimes in life the long term goal is worth it. You need to concentrate on you at this junction in your life, in my case the compassion for others slowly returned as I felt better in myself.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

I have spent 99% of my time over the past 2 years coming to terms with certain things.

I am not going to discuss them here, because there is nothing worth discussing.

However, as I have said before, everything happens for a reason. And it is always for the better, despite how it may appear.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

You can't look at the news paper without seeing death, destruction or just plain bad news.

Not really the way we should be started the day!

Looking around on any given day there are many things to bring a person down, this is without actively looking for anything in particular.

IMO it comes to just focusing on what is positive, encouraging and inspiring whilst doing your best to block out anything that leads you down the wrong path.

Sadly, the latter is easy for some.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

I think thats pretty natural, what are the people to you out and about on the street, on public transport etc.

People in the line in front of you when trying to order coffee, people sitting near you on the train, people standing next to you on the street of CBD waiting to cross street etc.

Just strangers really, its easy not to have compassion for randoms you don't know/haven't met or had any interaction with.

Sure they have their own lives, families, friends etc but everyone on that train is just some stranger going about their daily life, just another person on the damn overpacked train and in the line in front of you to get coffee that stretches too damn far :lol

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

I was diagnosed with 'Major Depressive Disorder' in 2008. Didn't even know what it was let alone having it. To me depression was for the weak miserable sods who spent all day sulking over something and didn't want to do anything about it apart from blaming everyone else. I was wrong. I knew I was constantly angry for no reason and often planned suicide. I wasn't 'sad' or 'upset' over anything at all. The morning I put the wheels in motion was the only time one of my workmates turned up early and foiled the attempt. He didn't realise what I was doing, still doesn't to this day. A few days later I was sent to the medical centre when the anger thing was getting out of control by my boss. Figuring the best I'd scam was a few days off, I went. I was immediately hospitalised. I was diagnosed shortly after. I spent many months in and out of hospital on a variety of medications. In 2011 I was permanently pensioned off from work, classed 'unemployable'.

I've been on many different medications including Lithium, Zoloft, Valdoxyn etc etc. TBH, I never felt any difference at all, so I stopped taking meds a year ago. I also continue to see a psychologist and psychiatrist.

I've been lucky in the sense that I was covered financially through my employer. After long protracted legal battles I've been awarded costs for future care. There's still legal battles ahead. Generally over the cause (constant exposure to large quantities of highly toxic chemicals) I'm also lucky to have a supportive wife and kids though the struggle has taken it's toll in some of those relationships. There's also the physical aspects that play on my mind like loosing fine motor skills (hands mainly), small spots on the frontal lobe of the brain, short term memory loss, unexplained growths on the arms etc etc.

Each day is different. I still have a short fuse, though I do control it better. I certainly have days where I prefer to be left well alone. To be pensioned off so early in my working life and career before I hit 50 still hurts. My quality of life has stabilised, if not improved slightly. If there was a miracle cure for this I'd take it.

Whatever your preconceptions on depression are, I can't stress enough the need to seek medical advice ASAP if you feel something maybe wrong. However what medication works for some may have zero affect on others and every case is different. There are also a number of helplines you can call anonymously. Most of all, talk to someone, anyone. It helps and besides, we all deserve to see how it all turns out!!

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

A question from the other side of depression which I hope you could point me in the right direction.

How does one breach the subject with someone who wont listen? This is a genuine question as I dont want to put details on a public forum just yet. The signs are there, and have been for a while and I have been worried for a long time but I have never been able to breach the subject without her getting very annoyed!

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

a few days ago, I was in the same position, signs were there, the person is about as stubborn as they come, but a very good friend. I knew something was wrong, the conversations were going downhill .... I actually had to research about "red flags" as to wether i acted or not or were doing the right thing. ALL the warning signs of self harm were there. I tried to contact their family first, (they live interstate) no response, so I sent around the police for a welfare check.
Long story short, the person turned out to be ok BUT refuses to ever talk to me again. I don't regret acting on the info provided to me, and I guess its all I can do from a different state BUT, as the poster in the quote asks.... how do you broach the subject? any way you can. You do kinda run the risk of ****ing them off if you go to say, their family or a close friend... but weigh that up against the consequences if you didn't at least try and something happened.

My life over the past few weeks made me remember this thread, especially since I am dealing with quite a bit of stress due to:
1. The rental l live in being for sale ( lease ends on 26th)
2. Struggling to find full time work (to the point where I am applying for apprenticeships)
3. The end of my main income due to my previous employer picking some one else to save money on wages (junior staff member).
All these things are not ideal for me at all plus the fact I failed my tafe course for the second year running. :-(

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Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Don't worry mate. Things will come good. You're due for some good luck.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Well I've entered my dark place again as the missus has now said we are separating and there's no turning back now.

Just awesome when I think things are finally back on track you hit this ****in huge speed bump.

Don't worry Rapid axe, you'll get through it if you ever need someone to talk to or some good company l live in Brisbane, although I am quite poor haha

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Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Did see that on the book of face today and yeah it's not nice.

I recently reconnected with my cousins on my dad's side and had a huge chinwag to one this morning on the train who even though we haven't seen or spoken for approx. 25 years but it was like we'd never lost touch, there's just something there.

Did mention about toxic relationships and depression and I'm glad I've gone back into counselling (first session tomorrow) cause I could see her pain from when she mentioned it and I realised I have to get me sorted, not only for me first and foremost but for my son and now my cousins.

I have said I will support my son's mother as much as I can as she doesn't really have friends out our way and we have an understanding and bond (love???) that probably won't be broken.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Just a quick update.

A LOT of things were pointed out to me today and I think I was trying to argue my case to my counsellor on why I did those things to my partner and she used an analogy for me that hit me pretty hard with the tough childhood I had with strained relationships especially from my mother and father (the analogy happened to be a positive from back then)

I am going to have to process this fairly carefully, a wrong foot would cause me more trouble than its worth.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

I've hit rock bottom again recently.

My father has been layed up in Hospital with Oesophagus and stomach cancer for the past 4 weeks, i actually found out about it an hour before i got the phone call that my daughter had been in a car accident which many of you may have read of on here.

Well, to say i come from a dysfunctional family would be an undrstatement. I have 6 half siblings who are the most money hungry, self centered bunch of bastards that you could ever have the disadvantage of meeting.
They hate Dad with a vengence and have harboured that hate for 40 yrs.

With Dad in Hospital with terminal Cancer and at 82, he doesnt have long and nothing can be done but make him comfortable, Well, one of my Sisters has decided its a good time to make herself comfortable and as a result she has convinced Dad to hand all of his affairs over to her and had his will changed.
Shes already taken his brand new Hyundai Getz and transfered the rego, taken all of his furniture and tools and has his key card in her purse.

She convinced him that there was a necessity to leave someone out of his Will in order to prevent anyone from contesting what he has left to them (he had left 5 of them all 10k each and was going to have his unit split 3 ways between the controlling Sister, her son and me, but now thinks they want more due to her fear campaign) and their 'family lawyer' has gone along with it.
Guess who got struck out of it, yep, me.

Not that the thought of getting nothing is my concern, its them bastards getting it all that is ripping me apart and the fact that he is convinced that leaving me out is somehow beneficial to stopping them from contesting it for everything. Aparently after the unit is sold they will see me right...

I've done a bit of research on contesting Wills and i cant see anywhere that says leaving one child out of it will stop it from being contested.

To top it all off my Sister has arranged to take him home to her house for his final days and i doubt i will see him again, i took my wife and kids to see him on Sunday night as it was to be his last night in Hospital

So as i sit here i face the loss or my dad at any moment, i've probably layed eyes on him for the final time and its killing me knowing that everything he has worked hard for his whole life is about to be given to those who hate him the most.
I wont go to his funeral as they fought like cat and dog at their mothers and im not sitting through that with my kids. They actually had to get a court order over their mothers ashes as the controlling Sister kept them to herself and in the end had to get a photo of her tipping them out at the beach to satisfy the court.
I can only imagine where Dad will end up.
She's even admitted that she will have his dog put down when he takes his last breath, so no one else gets it, what type of person takes it out on a dog ffs.
The only thing stopping me from taking the lot out is my love for my wife and kids.
In the state im in i could do it without blinking an eye.

Sorry for the rant.

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

Tragic situation Bent 8.... Maybe worth talking to a solicitor before your Dad passes?

Re: Depression, Anxiety
 

This situation is more common than most people think. Take comfort in knowing your father won't have to witness what is about to happen and that is a good thing.
Depending on what state you live in, you have a year to contest. Doesn't matter if they convinced him to change the will..you are a child of the person. A short sharp letter showing intent to contest within the timeline is usually enough for the other parties to work out it will cost them a motza to not include you. Then walk away from the crap and continue on your life. People like that arent worth wasting thought processes on. Just a side note, I would be getting the dog off the property NOW.